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Fortune Cookie

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Buttery Biscuit Base

Greg Wallace and John Torode, Masterchef

There are few things on this earth as pleasurable, inspiring or down-right important as Masterchef. Any man (I would have said person, but, let’s face it, it’s usually a man) that comes between me and my Masterchef is in for some serious verbal lashing and potentially physical pain.*

Now I wouldn’t say I’m a Masterchef fanatic. I don’t have little John and Greg dolls beside my bed or anything. And I don’t like all the series equally (Masterchef > Celebrity Masterchef > Junior Masterchef > Masterchef: The Professionals), although Monica Galetti has grown on me of late, which might edge The Professionals up the ranking. And I HATED the restyling of the latest series (although, again, this grew on me as the series progressed).

There are many successful elements to the show – the innovative recipes, seeing people on national TV make worse culinary c**k ups than me on a bad day, the human stories of the contestants, the challenges, and of course, the unintentional catchphrases and puns of Greg and John. Well, they might be slightly more intentional now, but I like to think that they started out in all innocence and they were unintentional initially. They couldn’t help but develop this style with the show being so incredibly formulaic (narrator India Fisher must dream Masterchef catchphrases).

So here is a little treat for all Masterchef fans out there – a skilfully edited (and there are a LOT of bad ones out there), funny music video taking the best of John and Greg, and focussing on the ‘buttery biscuit base’. Courtesy of Swede Mason, and thanks to @GarethM for posting the link on Twitter.

 

* and that includes any husband who books a trip that takes us out of the country on the day of the final

Summer Bucket List

Image Credit: 1stclasswallpapers.com

This post was inspired by Stoop Mama’s recent Summer Bucket List post.

So the idea is that the following list includes 50 things that I would like to achieve this summer (or – should make myself do – as I’m supposed to do them anyway, but usually can’t be bothered)…

  1. Learn not to itch mosquito bites (however itchy they might be)
  2. Get some mosquito repellent for the house
  3. Water the garden EVERY day (otherwise it WILL die)
  4. Remember to deadhead the flowers so they will keep flowering
  5. Continue p*****ing the mice (so that THEY will die) – and yes, the asterisks do make me feel better about this homicidal activity
  6. Eat more salad (rather encourage husband to eat more salad so that I will make more salad meals)
  7. Invent interesting salad recipes that don’t seem like salad (to slip past the salad radar)
  8. Eat smaller portions of everything except salad (I am a single, medium-sized human being and should only eat single, medium-sized human being meals)
  9. Drink less tea
  10. Drink more water
  11. Not eat an ice-cream every time I break out in a sweat – it’s summer and there will be a lot of sweat going around
  12. Eat breakfast at breakfast-time and lunch at lunch-time (rather than at 4 o’clock in the afternoon when I meet a deadline)
  13. Eat lunch in the garden to appreciate the lovely flowers
  14. Wear sun tan lotion every time I’m in the sun (even if it’s only for a few minutes)
  15. Not miss tiny streaks when applying sun tan lotion, so that the next day I look like a sunburnt zebra
  16. Sleep through the night at least every other night (if only)
  17. Stay on top of migraines by medicating EARLY, not thinking – ‘oh, I’ll feel better in a minute…’
  18. Exercise a little every day (rather than not at all, ever) with my iPod (so that I at least keep going for three minutes at a time)
  19. Be generous (to people I know I should be generous to, but generally, am not)
  20. Not get excited about Strictly Come Dancing (it is only July, after all)
  21. Not get excited about the new Lee Child book, the new series of House or the new series of Breaking Bad (all hitting the shops in September)
  22. Unplug chargers when they are not charging anything
  23. Switch off lights in empty rooms (not that I was the one who left them on in the first place)
  24. Sell old tech equipment that I don’t really need anymore
  25. Stop jumping out of my skin every time a magpie lands on my windowsill and knocks on my window
  26. Wear different (nice) clothes every day, even though no one see me (in my back office)
  27. Keep on top of the housework (i.e. do some)
  28. Give the house a proper clean before September
  29. Clean all the gloss paint work in the house (including the doors)
  30. Be kind to the washing machine (and remember that in washing-machine-years it is nearly 96 years old)
  31. Be disciplined in my ‘home-working’ and only break for one hour during the day
  32. Stay focussed on work that pays money
  33. Try NOT to launch any great non-money-making schemes for a month or two
  34. Figure out how to hang the curtains in my office, even though the wall appears to be impenetrable to any form of electric drill
  35. Tot up my earnings this year to prove that I’ve earned more so far this year than in the whole of last year, and therefore I am MAKING IT as a freelancer (even though I haven’t earned ‘enough’)
  36. Appreciate not having to top up my Oyster card every day I work from home
  37. Appreciate not having to stand under someone’s armpit on the train/tube every day I work from home
  38. Leave the house at least twice per week (even/especially when I’m working from home)
  39. Not spend more than eight hours per day on the internet (even though I need to for work)
  40. Keep in touch with friends and colleagues
  41. Only have my hair cut by people called Matt (well, one person called Matt, who gets it just right)
  42. Remember to moisturise (I am supposed to be a girl after all)
  43. Not come up with extreme fantasies about the lives of my neighbours based on snippets of overheard conversation
  44. Don’t start daydreaming about holiday until one week before departure
  45. Embrace shopping at Asda to keep the fortnightly grocery bill under £180 (for 2-5 people depending on who’s home)
  46. Stay up to date with the news (yes, that probably means via Twitter)
  47. Find something to be happy about in every situation (even though the situation itself probably sucks)
  48. Find time to be creative for the sake of being creative, rather than trying to cram creativity into dubiously dull briefs
  49. Experiment more
  50. Make sure husband knows how much I love him
All credit to Stoop Mama, this was a hard list to come up with. I’ve made a start on several items on the list, but we’ll have to see how far I get before summer is out.